It’s two months to my wedding, and my fiancé says we should pause the preparations.
I met him through a man I took care of at the hospital. He was a man of God. He told me he admired how I cared for him and said he wanted to give me his son, who is a junior pastor in his church. I laughed because I didn’t think he was serious. But he took my number anyway.
The next day, he called while I was with my former partner. We spoke briefly, and later on, he reached out again. We met, had some conversations, and everything seemed to be going well.
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Before I met the man of God, I had prayed and asked God to bless me with a man who truly loves Him. Someone who could help me grow spiritually. So when I met my fiancé, I told myself this was it. He was God-fearing, just like I prayed for. He would call to check if I had done my morning devotion. We prayed together before sleeping. But he wasn’t saying much about us going out or taking things further, so I fasted and prayed for a week, asking God to guide him.
Weeks later, he did. I was shocked at how quickly my prayers were answered. He officially introduced me to the man of God and his family and proposed marriage. He came for the marriage list from my family, and we started counselling.
But over time, I noticed he was pulling away. I got worried and asked him about it. He said I have anger issues. I admit that I do, and I’ve been working on it seriously. I’m not trying to shift blame, but sometimes he says or does things that trigger me, and I end up looking like the problem.
After that conversation, I had a dream. In the dream, he was telling someone he wanted to end things but didn’t know how. Three days later, he called and said he wanted to have a discussion with me when he gets the time. I was scared because of the dream.
Then I had another dream. This time, he brought back the items we had bought for the engagement. I asked what he was doing, and he said he couldn’t continue and wanted to end things. I was shaken. Two dreams, both pointing to the same thing.
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So I told him about the dreams and asked if he had anything like that in mind. He said yes and that he wants to pray about it again.
I accept that I have anger issues. I also know I have a loud voice, and when I talk, I tend to shout. He used to alert me when I was shouting, but now it feels like everything about me is suddenly a problem. Sometimes he triggers my reactions, but I’m the one who ends up looking bad.
Now I’m here, asking myself what to tell my family and my church. I’m broken. I feel like I ruined my own relationship with my own hands. But don’t people getting married have faults too? Isn’t growth part of the journey?
I don’t know how to fix this. I just know I tried. I prayed. I loved. And now, I’m hurting.
—Aseda
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