I was attracted to my wife because of how fashionable she was. She could wear almost anything and somehow give it grace. Other women could wear the exact same outfit, but it just didn’t hit the same way it did on her. She was also the life of the party, lively, sweet, wholesome, and the kind of person people naturally gravitated towards. Her body was banging too, and even now, four years after our first child, she still looks as good as she did when we first met.
We got married five years ago in a beautiful ceremony, and like always, her outfit was on point.
Then, about three years ago, she completely flipped the script on me.
These days, I wake up in the morning and sometimes dread turning over to look at her side of the bed. Chances are she’s in another boubou or patapata.
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My wife changed her wardrobe out of nowhere. It wasn’t as if I had complained about how she dressed. In fact, I loved it. It was one of the things that drew me to her. I am a man, and like most men, I am moved by what I see. If anyone had ever come to me complaining about the way my wife dressed, I would have chased them away. She was my wife, I loved what I was seeing, so what exactly was their problem?
I love accessories too. Anklets, bracelets, necklaces, heels that click when she walks, waist beads, all of it. My wife has stopped wearing every single one of them. These days, she dresses like someone who has completely given up on impressing anybody. No disrespect to older women, but some of the things she buys make me wonder whether she accidentally wandered into somebody’s grandmother’s wardrobe.
To savour the situation, I started buying clothes for her myself. I would go to the market, use my own eyes to pick outfits I knew would look amazing on her, bring them home, and present them proudly. She would smile, thank me, accept them, and then leave them untouched in the wardrobe, still in the packaging months later. The same thing happened with clothes I bought online. I would see something on social media and immediately think, “This would look incredible on her.” I would order it, bring it home, and watch it join the growing collection of unworn outfits gathering dust. The cycle has repeated itself so many times that I have stopped buying clothes altogether.
I have had heart-to-heart conversations with her about it on countless occasions. Every time, she tells me, “I don’t like those types of dresses.” And honestly, that confuses me. You didn’t like those types of dresses? Really?
You dressed like that before I met you. You dressed like that throughout our entire dating period. You dressed like that for the first two years of our marriage. Now, all of a sudden, you don’t like them? Come on.
Whenever she proudly shows me one of her new outfits these days, usually another long skirt sweeping the floor or something that looks like it belongs to a different generation, I have to fight the urge to climb a tree, build a small hut up there, and stay there for a while. Anything to avoid the argument that is about to follow.
The thing is, I love my wife to death. I really do. I want to have eyes for only her. I can deal with the missing accessories. I can survive without the anklets, the heels, and the waist beads. But the way she dresses now is honestly torturing me.
I mean, is it really too much to want your wife to look hot for you? I know I am responsible for whatever I choose to do, but I genuinely need public opinion on this.
Am I being unreasonable?
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Because at this point, I am frustrated. I want my wife back. I want my fashionable wife back. I want the woman who could throw on an outfit and somehow make it look like it was made specifically for her. I want the woman who enjoyed dressing up, who took pride in how she looked, and who made me look forward to every outing because I knew she would step out looking amazing. So I am calling on you people to tell me exactly what I can do to change the situation in my home. If you have a trick, I am all ears. If there is a prayer that needs to be said, let me hear it.
If there is a particular thing I should be doing as a husband that will turn this situation around, please share it. Because I have talked. I have complained. I have bought clothes. At this point, I am willing to listen to anybody who has successfully brought a formerly fashionable wife back from the land of oversized boubous and ankle-length skirts.
Help me. I miss my wife.
—Philly
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