On our first day of counseling at my church, the counselor asked us to be very honest while he asked very intimate questions about our relationship. He asked how long we had dated, and we said four years. He asked if we’d had sex, and I said yes. My boyfriend turned away. He asked again if we’d ever been pregnant before.
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We both went quiet. He said, “There’s no need to hide anything. You two are getting married, and I’m here to help you through the process. Just let it out.”
My boyfriend got up and started leaving, but he wouldn’t leave quietly. He said a lot of mean things to the counselor and called him names. “What’s the sense in these questions you’re asking? How is it your concern if we’ve gotten pregnant before? Is that also your job? I can’t sit here and listen to this nonsense.”
And then he walked out of the room. I followed him, begging him to come back. He threw his hand in the air and even told me to marry the counselor him suitable. I stood still and watched him until he disappeared from view.
When I got home and tried to talk to him about what had happened, he bluntly told me he was never stepping foot in my church again for counseling. If it was that man who was going to counsel us, then the marriage should wait.
When I met him, our dream was to get married the following year. When that year ended, he told me he wasn’t ready for marriage. I told him to introduce me to his family so they know I was in his life. I had to fight and nag about this before he finally did it.
After that, I asked him to fix a date for us to go and see my parents. My parents were in another city, about a three-hour drive away. He said we could do it in three months. I laughed. “Why not next week or even next month? Why three months?” He didn’t have any answer except to say he was putting some money together so he could buy something for my parents.
Three months later, he told me he hadn’t gotten the money to buy the things for my parents, so I should give him another three months.
I gave him money, GHC1,000, to get whatever he wanted to buy so we could go. Finally, we agreed to go one Saturday. That day, I called him and his phone was off. I went to his house, and he was sleeping. After several minutes of arguing, I realized he didn’t want to go. My parents were expecting me, so I told him I would go even if he didn’t. Then he told me, “You go. I will come.”
That day I cried on my way out. I called his best friend, who had been there right from the start of the relationship, and told him about it. He was like, “Oh, why would Sammy do that? Don’t worry, he will come.”
I got to my parents’ house on Saturday, and on Sunday Sammy came with his friend to see my parents. I was very happy, though he came empty-handed after taking GHC1,000 from me. My parents were happy to see him, and they asked about our wedding. He promised to marry me before the end of the year.
Before the year ended, I got pregnant. Immediately I announced the pregnancy to him, he said, “Go and abort it. Pregnancy at this time? Don’t you have any pity for us?” As if I had walked into a shop and picked up a pregnancy for him. He said, “I don’t want a child hanging around our necks. Just abort it before we talk about anything else.”
I walked to the hospital all alone with my own money to do it. I called him afterward. He asked if I had done it, and I said yes, but I was in pain. He answered, “The pain won’t last as long as a baby would. Just go home. You will be fine.”
I never saw him again until days later. When he got to my place, the first question he asked wasn’t about my health. He asked for food and wondered why I would live in a house without food. He even pressured me to cook for him when I was still in pain.
Starting counseling was another tough hurdle to jump, but on the first day he went and had a fight with the counselor.
Weeks later, the counselor called me. He wasn’t alone. Our pastor was there, along with the elders of the church. After prayers, the counselor told me I should break up with my boyfriend and wait on God in prayer. Our pastor also supported him with Bible quotes here and there. They gave me a week to think about it. When I left their presence, I never went to church again.
I agreed with my boyfriend that we should get married traditionally and later sign at the court. We set a date. He started broadcasting the date on his status, inviting his friends to the occasion.
We bought all the things we needed for the marriage. I contributed more than he even did. Then we got to the point where we had to put money in the envelope for my family, and he said he didn’t have the money. The total amount we needed was almost GHC3,000. He said, “What does your family need this amount for? Tell them our money is finished, so after the marriage we will look for something for them.”
Three days to our wedding, I went to bed thinking deeply about everything I’d been through with him, and all of a sudden, tears started running down my face. After crying for what felt like forever, I burst out laughing and asked myself, “Am I getting crazy? Why would I marry such a man who, on several occasions, has made it clear he wasn’t ready for marriage?”
I called my dad and told him we should cancel the marriage. I took him through everything I’d been through, up to the final straw that broke the camel’s back. He said, “Why didn’t you tell me all this until now? That’s fine. We should not go ahead with it.”
I didn’t tell my Sammy about it. I called all my friends and everyone I’d already invited and told them the marriage was no longer coming on. Sammy got to know through friends, and he called angrily. “What nonsense am I hearing? That you said we are no longer getting married?”
I answered, “Yes, please. I won’t allow any man to marry me on credit.”
He answered, “Oh, so it’s about the money?”
I answered, “It’s about everything.”
He came with his family. They said we were too close to the wedding to cancel it, so we should allow the marriage to go on and settle whatever the issue was after the ceremony. I told them, “No, it won’t happen, and he knows why.” My dad added, “If my daughter says no, then who am I to say otherwise?”
I Called My Girlfriend And Another Man Answered The Phone
I went back to church, apologized, and also thanked God for the rescue. For the first time in our relationship, Sammy made statements that had love in them. I’d never heard him mention love in anything he had ever told me. For the first time in our dating history, he begged me and said he was sorry. Within a day, I’d heard all the things I hadn’t heard in four years, but it was too late.
He tells me his heart is broken. Even that, I don’t believe.
What I believe is the happiness I feel in my soul now. I haven’t felt this light in years. I look back and say, “This would have been a horror show if I had married a man like him. Thank God for common sense, even though it came very late.”
—Aboagyewaa
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