We started life in a single room in a compound house, where you carried water to bathe outside. If you had to visit the toilet and someone was there, you walked to the nearest bush to ease yourself, or held it in till the person using it came out.
I did not have a job that supported the family, and my husband did menial jobs to put food on the table and clothes on our backs. I was a university graduate, applying for many white-collar jobs I saw online. I would apply, pray, and ask God to make this the one. I married a man who did not even complete JSS. I was the odd one, whose husband carried mortar on his head, but it did not matter. What mattered was that I loved him with everything that had breath in me. He was so charming and witty.
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Until he had an opportunity to travel to the USA. I was excited for him, for us. It meant a whole lot of locked doors were going to open. But the opportunity came with a caveat. He had to marry a citizen over there; apparently, that was one of the fastest routes to get him papers. I hesitated, I lamented, I cussed, I fought, I cried, but he assured me his forever is with me. This is a business transaction that we will both benefit from in the end. What a risk, but eventually I agreed.
Fast forward, it has been 14 years. He got the book; life is good. He has a child with my co-wife. I have three. Why am I sharing my story? If only it will help my fellow women who find themselves in similar situations.
Together, we built businesses here in Ghana. My kids and I live very large, in our home, driving my Mercedes, and we get to travel twice a year to any destination. My children have dual citizenship. I am never in lack or need of anything. Houses, cars, shops, endless opportunities to sit and dine with the big boys. Think of it all, I have it. My husband has lived up to his promise to me. He visits twice a year, and I sure give him a damn good time whenever we meet. I adore my husband, and so I pamper him well. I believe I have kept the heart of my husband through prayers and the grace of God. He loves me, I just know. We even have grown to birth nicknames for each other; I call him “Fine Boy”, and he calls me “Fine Girl.”
I have never cheated on my husband. He is a good and hard-working man and deserves my loyalty. I am not a terrible person, so I even encourage him to be a good man to my co-wife too. Because what will I gain if I make life difficult for him? Would she not be sad? Would she not be bitter? What do I gain from all of that? Nothing. I need her to be peaceful enough to give my husband peace. She does not know about me and mine, but I know of her, her child, her life, her family. I know it all.
Sometime ago, he mentioned how tired he was, how exhausting the life he was living had become. I laughed. “Why won’t you be tired? You’re taking care of two families.”
He laughed too. “At the end of the day, I know you two women will probably drag me to court, but my love, please make your own side easier for me. You’re the colour of my skin and my missing rib. She also made my life easier by bringing me over here, and I’ll always be grateful to her. The day she finds out about you, I don’t know what will happen. It will be difficult, but please don’t leave me.”Like Ruth in the Bible, wherever he goes, I will go. His people will be my people, and his God will be my God. As long as he wants me by his side, that is where I will be.
Who Would You Choose, A Rich Man Or A Man Who’s Good In Bed?
It is my decision to be my husband’s peace and comfort in a world of chaos and uncertainty. One thing I know for sure is, if he should lose everything to ground zero, I will still choose him. He is my lover and my friend, my banter buddy, and I am not afraid because he has proven himself. May the Lord continue to bless and keep him. He has my heart like that. It may not be the usual you hear, the dual marriages; well, I am in one, and I have steered this ship so well in my favour that I am at peace with my decision and the outcome thus far.
— Ese
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