I’ve lived with my mom since she got a divorce from my dad five years ago. Dad sold all his belongings and relocated abroad. He doesn’t call or even check on me or my elder brother, who’s now living with his wife.
Mom has done her best with us. No complaints, though some of her personal choices after the divorce left me awed. She takes care of me, pays my school fees and gives me the basic things that I need.
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When I was barely nineteen years old, she asked me to come home with my boyfriend. When I told her I didn’t have one, she doubted me and then told me to bring him home when I found one. She brought the men she dated home. They didn’t last. She would bring Kobby today, and tomorrow he’s gone. The next day, Mensah would come.
I got used to meeting men of different kinds in the house. All of them were nice to me and even bought me things, but just when I was about to learn their names, they disappeared.
Mom came home one day with a man she introduced as Captain. He’s the only man Mom has brought home who looked her age. Captain came home every day, unlike the typical men Mom brought around. I was expecting him to disappear, but he survived a month, then two, and later three months. I stopped counting and started to believe he was going to stay.
Captain took me to his own house. He said he wanted me to know him very well. Mom was aware. After that, my mom also visited him with me. One day, while alone with Captain, he started touching me and called me his younger wife. It felt weird, but I allowed him. He was telling me I could ask him for anything I needed. I was nodding and wondering where it was going.
Mom entered the house and found us together. She said, “Daughter and father who look like a man and his little girlfriend.” He burst out laughing. I found that comment suspicious. In the evening, while alone, she asked me if Captain had been making moves on me. I shook my head. She asked if I was sure, and I told her he’d been giving me money but nothing else.
She told me, “He’s a kind man. If you’re obedient to him, he’ll do more than any other man has done for you.”
Captain one day took me out while Mom was in the house. He said we were going to buy things for the house. In the car, he started touching me. I asked if he wasn’t worried that Mom was going to find out. He confidently told me my mom wouldn’t be mad if she found out, so I should relax.
We got the things from the shop, and instead of driving us home where my mom was, he drove me to his house. I wasn’t sure of what was happening in my body, but I’d begun to like how he was treating me. In his house, we kissed. I allowed him to touch me in sacred places, but I didn’t allow sex. He asked why, as if I was expected to give in that very moment. I told him I was on my menses.
We were out until very late, but my mom didn’t call to ask where we were or why we’d stayed so long. When she saw us, all she said was, “Oh, you’re back?”
A few weeks later, Captain had come to spend the night with my mom, but deep in the night, he sneaked into my room. My heart started beating faster. I wasn’t wearing anything that covered anything. He lay next to me and started asking me to calm down. While his hands were on me, trying to convince me to allow him, my mom entered.
“I knew you were here, but why didn’t you tell me?” Captain replied, “You can join us if you want.”
She lay behind Captain while I lay in front. I was still feeling uneasy. My mom was doing everything, but Captain’s attention was on me. My mom whispered, “Feel free. It’s only the three of us.” I closed my eyes when the two started doing it right next to me. I was breathing loudly as if I was being chased. When they were done and my mom was lying there panting, she said, “Try it. Don’t be shy. I’m here for you.”
She acted hypnotized and weird. Soon, she was snoring while Captain took his turn with me. I thought it was a dream, but it was real and also the beginning of a triangle affair that lasted for months. I came to expect them. They would come together, or they’d start and ask me to join. My mom introduced me to edibles. She said they heightened the feelings and made it out of this world.
I took some. And then asked for it every day. When I ate it, I could see the mountain as a little rock I could pick up and throw. I knew my life was spiraling, but I didn’t have the control mechanisms. I got pregnant. My mom asked me, “Have you told him?” I shook my head.
The following day, she took me to the hospital, and that was the end of the pregnancy story. I cried. I knew I had to do something, but I didn’t know what to do. One late evening, I had a call. The voice sounded familiar but also felt liquid. He said, “This is your dad. How have you been?”
I broke down crying. It had been over five years. I asked why he abandoned us. I asked if I did something wrong. I could hear him crying too. He asked for forgiveness and said he was going to right the wrongs, but I shouldn’t tell my mother. He made me swear.
From that day, he started sending money and also told me to ask for whatever I wanted. I told him I needed to leave my mom’s place. He asked, “Don’t you want to live with me? I can arrange to come for you.”
I’ve been talking to my dad since January 1st this year. My mom doesn’t know about it. She’s busy fighting me because I cut them off and stopped engaging in whatever that was with them. Captain used money to get me back into it. Mom asked if I had a boyfriend, and I said yes. I didn’t want to cheat on him. She asked me to bring him home, and I nodded.
I’m leaving the country in September. Everything is ready for me to leave, but my mom doesn’t know it. I will get to the UK before I call and tell her. I’m sad. It breaks my heart, the kind of life I’m leaving her in. Do you know when I left them, they brought in a new lady to join them? Sabina. She came around when they needed her. Maybe they thought I would be jealous. I didn’t mind them.
I don’t want to go to my dad with the weight of this story on my chest. I’ve been meaning to share it with someone to get the weight off my chest. I don’t want to be tempted to share it with my dad. But who’ll believe me when I tell them? Who’ll keep this a secret when I share? I wrote it in the third person like a novel, like fiction that reads immoral. I wanted to keep it somewhere and travel without it, but then, here I am sharing it with you.
Who Would You Choose, A Rich Man Or A Man Who’s Good In Bed?
It’s hard to believe that I’ve lived this kind of life with the woman who birthed me. Sometimes it feels like a dream, but guess what, my life is real, so this can’t be unreal. I pray I heal and someday have the courage to share it with someone safe. I want to see the look in their eyes after they hear my story.
—Agnes
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