My boyfriend had issues with his landlord, and the landlord gave him his balance and asked him to vacate his room. The whole thing turned into a fight that threatened his life. While he sought to go legal, the landlord warned, “If by next week you’re still in my room, whatever happens to you, don’t blame me.”
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We had started talking about marriage and had given ourselves one year. We had dated for a year. I asked him to move in with me for the meantime while he looked for his own place. He came to live with me and later decided we should live together, split rent so we could save more money, and marry the following year.
To me, it was a good idea as long as we stayed committed to it. I took him home to meet my parents as time went on, but I didn’t disclose that we were living together. You know our parents and the way they think. Before we could decide to go and meet his parents, his dad came to our town for a funeral and decided to spend the night with us.
My boyfriend explained the situation to his dad on the phone even before he came to town. The man refused to enter the house, telling my boyfriend that he didn’t know me, so I had no right to live with his son. Before he would enter to spend the night, I should vacate the house. He didn’t want to condone wrongdoing.
I didn’t fight it. I just told my boyfriend that I would spend the night with a friend while his dad stayed. He came on a Friday and said he would leave the next day. He ended up staying for almost a week. I was stranded. My boyfriend had to sneak clothes for me to wear to work. My friend also didn’t like the idea that I was overstaying. The whole thing was annoying, but I exercised patience, knowing it wouldn’t happen again.
Before this man left the house, he advised my boyfriend to sack me from the house and said that he hated me for the fact that I was living with a man I wasn’t married to. I expected my boyfriend to explain the situation that necessitated our living together, but he played it like it didn’t matter while his dad addressed me like I was a cheap whore. The introduction went so badly I wanted to disappear.
When his dad left, he promised me he would explain it to his dad and also make his dad apologize to me for getting it wrong. Weeks turned to months; the apology from his dad didn’t come, but he promised me he had explained everything to him and that he understood it perfectly.
His mom also came to town. She came purposely to visit her son. I told him it wasn’t right, looking at how his dad’s situation went. He said his mom was different and that she knew about me and understood the situation. When his mom came and met me, the first question she asked was, “Upon everything my husband told you, you’re still living with my son? Don’t you have home training?”
At this point, I couldn’t take it any longer, so I took it upon myself to let her know I’m the one helping her son have a place to live. I explained calmly, without any iota of anger. She listened and said, “It doesn’t matter who lives with who, what is wrong is wrong. Did your parents allow this? Do they know you live with a man who’s not married to you?”
I agreed with her that it was wrong, but I didn’t understand why she sought to blame me instead of blaming her son. Eventually, she told me I should vacate the place because she couldn’t live with me when she didn’t know me. My boyfriend tried to explain; she said no. She made it very obvious that she came to drive me out of the house.
“In that case, he has to leave and not me,” I retorted. She screamed, “Are you talking back at me when I’m trying to correct your waywardness?” I walked away, and she said, “You’re walking out on me when I’m talking to you?”
My boyfriend came inside and tried to calm me down. I told him I wasn’t going to live with them no matter what, so he should find a place to go with his mom. He asked me to go and spend the night with my friend while he settled it with his mother. I said, “I’m not moving an inch. I’m tired of the disrespect. You should move.”
It became a fight—his mother on one side and me on the other while he stood in the middle. I wasn’t going to go away, so his mother called me disrespectful and said she wouldn’t allow her son to marry me no matter what. Eventually, she spent the night with us, hoping she would see me gone. The next day, I was there. This woman would use songs to insult me, and each time I passed by, she’d sing a song that attacked my person.
I asked him when his mother was leaving, and he said he didn’t know. She had already spent four days. That day, I told him his mother should leave, and he should also leave with her. Honestly, I was tired and felt degraded in my own house. He said, “Remember, I paid half of the rent.” I said, “No problem, I can send your remaining rent to your MoMo so you can get a place to live with your mom.”
The woman started shouting, “You don’t listen to me. Is this a woman who’ll help your life? See how she’s talking to you. Or you’re no longer a man in this house.”
The next morning, she packed her things and left. I sighed. My boyfriend was angry that I had disrespected his mom because I wouldn’t do what I did to my own mother. We argued. We disagreed, but most importantly, I knew there was no way I would be accepted in his home, so I told him to leave the house and find his own place. He asked, “So you’re doing all this and still think we can marry?”
I answered, “No, I don’t think we’ll marry. That’s why I’m cutting this tree before it gains roots to bear poisonous fruits.”
Contents
What Nobody Tells You About Divorce
He’s looking for his own place, but the relationship between us looks broken beyond repair. We talk, but not as friends or people in love. It’s mostly one-word exchanges. Sometimes I feel I didn’t handle the situation well because he had been a good boyfriend. All was well with us until his parents came in. Sometimes I just want him to stay so we can correct our mistakes and continue the relationship. Looking at how far we’ve come, do you think it’s a good idea for us to rebuild, or should I let him go and start again from somewhere else?
—Emelia
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