He was going through a divorce when we met. He looked devastated and lost most of the time because of the divorce. All that aside, he wanted to be in love. He said he wanted to date as soon as possible so he could forget about the pain of the divorce. I was the one he proposed to, and I said no. I was the one he said he loved and wanted to begin life with. I loved him too, but I didn’t like the state he was in.
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I told him, “Kindly finish your divorce, and I will be here waiting for you.” He wanted it as soon as possible, but I was scared I would be seared by the torch of his pain, so I asked for time.
He had been married for five years without a child. According to him, the problem was from his wife. She wasn’t able to conceive, and he had invested a lot to make pregnancy possible, but as the years went by, his wife listened to bad advice had an affair, and was careless about it, so he found out, and that started the wheels of their divorce.
As promised, I waited for him until he finally got the divorce he was working for. That day, he asked me when I was going to accept his proposal. I also wanted to be assured of a better future, so I asked, “Where is this leading to if I say yes today?”
He responded, “I’m ready to try marriage again, but this time, I will do it after the woman gives me a child.”
I laughed, not because he sounded funny, but because I didn’t see myself having a child before marriage. I told him I wasn’t the kind of woman who would go through pregnancy before marriage.
For weeks, we hung out without knowing who we were. I was ready for love, and he was ready, but neither of us wanted to budge. I asked him, “Can’t we go to the hospital and check to see if we are biologically compatible?” He answered, “Nothing beats seeing a pregnancy. Doctors will say what they have to say, but the only evidence is pregnancy.”
With time, I let myself go. I thought he might change his mind as we went along. For close to two years, we had sex and were careless about it, but I didn’t get pregnant. “Or the problem is with him, as his wife suspected? Or I’m not able to give him a child because we are not compatible?” I asked myself often.
One day, I realized I had missed my period for a week. I did the test, and I was pregnant. I didn’t know whether to jump for joy or be disappointed in myself. I was happy to prove to myself that I was capable of getting pregnant, but I was disappointed that I allowed myself to get pregnant for a man who wasn’t my husband.
He had traveled when I found out I was pregnant, so I decided to wait until he came back before I told him. On the phone with him that very night, I couldn’t wait. I blurted it out, “I’m pregnant. I found out just this morning.”
I was expecting a shout of joy followed by, “Get ready, we are getting married as soon as I get back,” but instead, all he said was, “Oh, how could you?”
“How could you? Is that all you can say? Isn’t that what you always wanted? So why are you asking me that question?” He was mute for a while. He said, “No problem. I will come over the weekend so we can talk about what to do.”
I had my whole life flash before my eyes and how I had fallen from the grace of God by listening to the promise of a man He had asked us never to place our faith in. He came to town three days later. He asked me what I was going to do about it. I got angry and spoke like I had been bruised. He was calm. He said, “I haven’t said anything wrong. I only asked a question, so why all this anger?”
“I’m keeping it,” I said. He nodded. “That’s fine. Let’s keep it.” “Uh-huh, what next? I’m not carrying this pregnancy around when I’m not married. When are we getting married?” He answered, “It’s complicated. You didn’t tell me you had accepted my offer, so I was looking elsewhere with a woman who was ready to give me a child before marriage. She’s also pregnant as we speak.”
I opened my mouth and forgot to close it for several seconds. “What are you telling me? Is that a joke? Or is it a dream?” I pinched myself to wake up, but everything was real. He said he wanted the child, but he was confused about whom to marry.
I went home with a broken heart, but the pain told me what to do to cut myself off from more pain. I didn’t tell him, but the next day, I walked into a hospital and came out without the pregnancy. It hurt my soul. It broke me into pieces, but that was the only way I could cut myself off from future pain. We didn’t talk for more than a week. That even told me I wasn’t the one he wanted among the two women, because how should my pregnancy make him not talk to me for a whole week?
When he finally called and asked how I was doing and if I had told my parents about it, I asked him, “About what? Don’t worry your mind. I’m no longer pregnant. You don’t deserve that sacrifice.”
Again, I thought he would be shocked and angry for not telling him, but he was calm about it, almost happy that I was no longer pregnant. He said he was sorry for taking me through that much pain and was ready to compensate me. I felt insulted, but I forgave his sins and told him never to call me again. I even blocked his number, and for months we didn’t talk.
I saw his marriage and baby-naming ceremony photos on social media. He didn’t post them, but somehow, I was led to them. I saw the lady involved. I knew why he would choose her and not me. She was better off than me. Even her profile had a fragrance I didn’t have in real life. I unblocked his number that day and congratulated him. He was still saying sorry. I told him I had gotten over the pain, but it was a lie.
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What Nobody Tells You About Divorce
A little over four years later, he’s divorced again. Guess what happened? The baby wasn’t his. They were trying to relocate abroad when he found out through DNA that their four-year-old child wasn’t actually his. I was so happy the day he was on the phone telling me this story. The hurt in his voice and the regret of having attempted marriage twice and still failed. If he had listened carefully, he would have noticed the joy in my voice, but he was too hurt to pay attention.
He said, “We could have had a great life with our beautiful baby, but see, I’m always making the wrong choice in women.”
He called again one evening. I realized his calls were becoming too rampant for no reason. I quietly blocked his number so one thing wouldn’t lead to another.
—Sikaba
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