We planned our wedding down to a T and we both agreed on everything we discussed until it got to where we were going to have our honeymoon. I mentioned a beach place and he said no. I asked where he wanted us to go. “You’re taking me outside the country?”
He chuckled and said we should talk about a better thing than honeymoon. I asked if he didn’t consider it important, and he told me it was a waste of money. According to him, honeymoon was for couples who hadn’t been intimate before. “But tell me, what haven’t we done before?” he asked me. “I even know the placement and arrangement of your intestines.” And then he burst out laughing.
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I told him a honeymoon was the last stage of the wedding program, where we lock ourselves away from the world and enjoy our new union. “Who knows, we would even return from the honeymoon with a pregnancy, signifying God’s blessing on our marriage.”
He still didn’t buy into the idea. He said after the wedding, we should go home and rest.
My mom was following our wedding arrangements right from the beginning and was the one organizing everything when it came to my part of the wedding. One day, she asked me about the honeymoon. She said we had talked about everything except that one. “Or you’re trying to hide it from everybody?” she asked me.
I told her the series of discussions I’d had with my husband about it and what he had also said. My mom was surprised about my husband’s stance. “Why is it not important?” she asked me. “It’s very important, and you two have to do it. If it’s about money, he shouldn’t worry. I will put everything together for you two to have an amazing one.”
My mom is that kind of mom. She wants a full story, and if she has to starve to ensure a full story is told, she’ll ensure that. Her wedding was in the eighties, but when you look at her photos and listen to the stories around the wedding she had with my dad, you may think it happened just yesterday. She wanted the same for me, but because my husband had said he didn’t want us to discuss it again, I kept it to myself, hoping I could use it as a surprise or tell him it was my mom’s wedding gift to us.
We had a very beautiful wedding. There was nothing that happened that we hadn’t planned, and nothing was placed where we didn’t want it placed. Our smiles were genuine and reflected the love we shared, but those smiles faded right after the wedding when my mom told us she had a surprise for us and gave us all the details of the arrangements for our honeymoon.
I was feigning surprise, pretending we hadn’t discussed it before that moment. My husband looked at my face, and I told him, “You were right. Just imagine if we had paid for one, we would have wasted our money.”
In front of my mom, he smiled and said thank you, but once my mom was off the scene, he said, “So you told your mom about it. What did you tell her, that I don’t have money for a honeymoon? That’s fine. You can go yourself since you’re bent on going on a honeymoon.”
This was right after our wedding ooo. He cut the joy short and was not ready to even listen to my explanation. He cut me off whenever I talked. We were supposed to spend the night together, but this guy disappeared without telling me where he was. I called his phone, and it was off. That also made me angry. How could something this harmless cause him to do all that?
When I didn’t hear from him all night, I texted him the details of the place my mom had booked for us and told him if he needed me, he would find me in room number 333. I packed and left for the place all alone. Actually, I knew he wasn’t going to come, so I didn’t bank my hopes on it. I got to the place and settled in before he called my phone asking where I was.
I responded, “I sent you a message. You didn’t read it?”
He said, “Oh, so you disregarded me and still went?”
“It’s fully paid for. I wasn’t going to let my mom waste her money. Plus, I hadn’t heard from you since last night. I thought you preferred to have your own honeymoon, so I also came alone.”
I ignored his bad energy and spent the three nights my mom had booked for us. Everything was made for two, but I enjoyed it all alone. I took selfies, danced alone, and slept in a big bed all alone. We didn’t talk again while I was there.
When I returned from the honeymoon, he had lodged a complaint with his parents about my behavior and had said he wasn’t going to live with me again because I had disrespected him.
I shared my side of the story, including how he disappeared the night after the wedding, which he didn’t mention when reporting me. His dad was shocked. His mom thought the devil had settled into our marriage too early. His parents called him on the phone to come home for the issue to be settled. He told them he would never come as long as I was there.
I was loved at home, so when he was ranting about not living with me again, I just went home to my mom. I told her the issue, and she asked, “Is that all? You didn’t insult him, call him names, or steal his money while going on the honeymoon?”
I answered no.
She said, “Relax. His ego is bruised. He will come around when he’s healed.”
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I’ve been here in my mother’s house since April. He’s still walking around with a bruised ego, telling people I’m more married to my mom than to him. He says that is the reason I would take my mom’s advice. I don’t tell anyone anything. My mom is the only one who knows about this, but he tells anyone who asks about me and how the marriage is going.
At this point, I’m here wondering what kind of future this marriage is going to have. Sometimes I tell my mom it’s not going to work, and she tells me, “Fights and disagreements have their place in marriage. They come and go, and it’s even good that you’re going through this now. Once you get over it, you’ll grow and learn. It will be easier once this phase fades.”
She was married for over forty years until Dad died. I trust her counsel. It’s the reason I still wait for a husband in the wilderness with his ego.
—Alice
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