My wife doesn’t dress well. It started when we began having kids. She used to be very colourful. On an ordinary day, she would dress as though she had an important meeting to attend or was meeting someone important. I loved that about her. It was part of the reason I made her my wife.
FOLLOW US ON WHATSAPP CHANNEL TO RECEIVE ALL STORIES IN YOUR INBOX
Right after our first child, it all changed. She didn’t care about her appearance anymore. I realised motherhood was taking away her shine. I talked about it. I nagged about it. “Wear something nice. You’re not as old as you’re trying to make the world believe.”
She told me she was a mother and couldn’t dress like a young girl. I wasn’t asking her to be girlish. All I wanted was for her to look smart and beautiful, but she didn’t mind wearing rags to work and putting on an old duster to church. Whenever we argued, she accused me of looking at younger women outside and wanting her to be like them.
I stopped complaining until one day she told me, out of her own mouth, that she had been voted the worst-dressed employee at work twice in a row. She talked about it as though she didn’t care. She said she wasn’t there to impress anyone. I was bothered, so instead of complaining, I started buying her clothes that I thought would look good on her.
I changed her phone as a matter of necessity. She had used the old one for so long that it was almost giving up on her. A few days later, she told me the phone was missing. It was an iPhone. She said it had been stolen while she was trying to board a trotro.
A few days later, a lady we all knew in the neighbourhood came looking for my wife. She looked a little upset, so I asked what the issue was. She told me my wife had sold her a phone, claiming it had a 256 GB capacity, but after paying for it and taking it home, she realised it was only 128 GB.
I took the phone from her and examined it. It was the same phone I had bought for my wife, the one she had told me was stolen. She had sold the phone to this lady for half the price. I had to refund the money and collect the phone.
When my wife returned and I told her about it, she got angry, questioning why the lady would come to our home to embarrass her. I later heard it turned into a fight between them. She felt betrayed. The lady also felt let down by the phone’s storage capacity.
I bought a set of dresses for her from a lady who came to sell to us at work. I carefully selected the dresses and even bought a matching bag for her. She was so excited when I gave them to her. She even called me Husband of the Year. She wore the first dress to work the very next day, and I complimented her on how great she looked.
That was the last time she wore any of the dresses or used any of the bags I bought. She kept insisting she was saving them for special occasions.
“Every day is a special day. Look your best,” I retorted.
Weeks after we fought over the issue, I told her that if she wasn’t going to wear those clothes, I would take them back to where I bought them. I looked for them everywhere in the house and couldn’t find them, not even the one she had worn once.
When I asked her, she said, “I knew you meant it when you said you would take them back, so I’ve hidden them.”
I bought wigs and shoes too. She would wear them once and then stop. One day, I was eavesdropping on her phone conversation when I heard her say, “It’s new ooo. It’s never been worn. Your price is not good.”
Then it occurred to me that my wife had been selling the things I’d been buying for her. She preferred to be in rags than to be colourful again. I’ve never been this disappointed in my life. She said she needed the money for something urgent.
“What’s so urgent that you had to sell your personal belongings?”
She couldn’t answer.
The truth is she didn’t have any urgent need. She earns well. I’m not saying she’s among the highest-paid people, but she earns well for the job she does. We don’t split finances. She uses her money for whatever she wants, while I take care of the house and even pay for what she wears. She had no excuse to sell anything.
So I’ve stopped trying, but I’m also the same person who gets embarrassed by my wife’s appearance. I believe people look at who she used to be and compare it with who she is now and say, “See what marriage took from her. She used to be the life of the party before marriage, but now look at her. A shadow of herself.”
I go to places alone. Because of her, I rush home right after church without socialising with people. If I have to stay, I have to do it with her by my side. I see the ladies her age in church and how they dress. It’s like a silent competition between them. But my wife can’t blend in because she says she has children and a mother can’t look her best.
She thinks I’m exaggerating the situation. She challenges me and says that as long as she’s not naked, she’s good to go.
I’m asking, is this one of those postpartum depression cases? Do I need to take her somewhere to exchange her for my old wife? What’s wrong with a husband wanting his wife to look her best?
Who Would You Choose, A Rich Man Or A Man Who’s Good In Bed?
I don’t intend to cheat, but I look at other women and I miss the woman I married. Even if you buy perfume for her, she’ll sell it, but you never see what she does with the money. She doesn’t own a car or have savings to buy one. She’s not building a mansion or putting up a children’s home. Nothing. But she goes around looking like a pauper.
What can I do to make her understand that she’s pushing me to the edge?
—Bright
This story you just read was sent to us by someone just like you. We know you have a story too. Email it to us at [email protected]. You can also drop your number and we will call you so you tell us your story.
******