We have been dating for four good months now, and so far, things have been… complicated.
He is kind to me, attentive in his own way, and he talks about our future with so much certainty that sometimes I almost believe I can see it too. But if I’m being honest with myself, there are parts of this relationship that keep me awake at night.
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One thing I’ve noticed about him is that he struggles with telling the truth. Sometimes it is little things, and other times it feels like he deliberately leaves out important details. It has become difficult to know when I’m getting the full story and when I’m only hearing the version he wants me to hear.
My boyfriend has been arrested four consecutive times. According to him, it was an experience that was not for the weak. He beats his chest proudly when he talks about it and says he is strong because he has seen things most people never have. He talks about being handcuffed, sleeping in holding rooms for days, and enduring situations that tested him.
Naturally, I wanted to know what led to all of those arrests.
When I asked him, he simply said, “Some things are better left unremembered. It’s in the past. Let it go.”
But how do you let something like that go?
Four arrests are not exactly small details you brush aside. The fact that he refuses to explain what happened leaves me unsettled.
Then there is the woman who came before me.
He told me he was in a serious relationship with another lady, but they eventually broke up because she cheated on him. At some point during that relationship, she got pregnant and later had a miscarriage. I cannot fully explain why, but the way he speaks about her doesn’t sit right with me. It feels rehearsed, almost like there are pages missing from a story I’ve only been allowed to skim through.
Maybe I’m wrong.
Another issue is his career choice.
He is about to become a truck driver, and I know this may sound judgmental, but I honestly don’t trust that lifestyle. The long periods away from home, the stories I’ve heard over the years, and the uncertainty that comes with it make me uneasy. I also know my parents would never approve of him, and while I don’t believe parents should choose our partners for us, I can’t pretend their opinions don’t affect me.
In fact, once he gets settled, he wants us to begin making serious plans by next year. He speaks about it with excitement and confidence.
I don’t. At least, not now.
The truth is, I still feel like my mother’s baby. I am not ready for the responsibilities, sacrifices, and permanence that come with marriage. I cannot confidently say I want to be someone’s wife in the near future.
He isn’t a bad man. He has been nice to me, and there are moments when I genuinely enjoy being with him. But being with a good person is not always enough. Sometimes two people can care deeply for each other and still want completely different things.
I Called My Girlfriend And Another Man Answered The Phone
A part of me thinks this relationship could work if we gave it time. So I ask myself, do I have to know everything about a man’s past before I marry him? Maybe not every single detail, because everyone has chapters they would rather not revisit. But shouldn’t I at least know the parts of his story that could shape the life we are trying to build together?
And what about his career choices? Am I wrong for considering them too?
—Maggie
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